For twenty years I
believed I was saved. When I was two, I "asked Jesus into my heart" and was
baptized shortly after that. Over the years I learned more about the Bible
and Biblical principles. Prophecy was my favorite subject, and I learned so
much I thought I knew when the rapture was to take place!
But about two years ago I started looking
around at my life. After twenty years , I still had not developed the fruits
of the spirit. Not only that, but my life looked like a neighborhood after a
tornado had blown through. One disaster after another. Sin had only
increased its stranglehold on my life, and I was becoming weaker and weaker
in my resolve to be "good." Then I heard a small voice. What good has your
religion done you? What good has it done anybody else? Although I could see
God had been working in my life, I couldn't see any real difference in my
spiritual growth. Nobody would mistake me for a Christian, and I had never
shared the Gospel with anybody. I didn't have a testimony, and I sure wasn't
a shining light to all the world of the changing power of the Cross. I
assumed all those years that my sin would eventually and magically fall
away. I assumed that Jesus just didn't see all the sin. I reached a point
where I was at my wits end and desperate. I asked God, "What do you want me
to do with my life?'
I then began a two year
journey that led me to the Mission Boulevard Baptist Church (MBBC) and
Fayetteville Christian School (FCS). When I started to attend church, I
loved the people but didn't get much from the preaching. I couldn't
understand what Pastor Disney was talking about. I thought maybe he was just
talking too smart for me. But Kenny Francis, associate pastor of MBBC and
principal of FCS, took me under his wing and we began to go over the
foundations of faith. When we finally reached the part of the study, "What
exactly must you do to be saved," I was excited! I couldn't wait to see if I
had gotten this right or not. It was a question I had been asking for two
years.
I was a little
disappointed when we first started though, because all Kenny was doing was
going over scripture. I wanted him to explain it to me. I had heard all
kinds of scripture with many interpretations, but nothing seemed to spell
out exactly how this salvation worked. I knew Jesus paid for my sins, but I
couldn't figure out where we went from there. Was I saved at one point, and
then from there I had to maintain my salvation? Or maybe this sin issue was
just nothing to get worked up about, since Jesus had paid the price anyway.
But as Brother Kenny patiently went over the Gospel scripture by scripture,
something started to happen, something I had never experienced before. I
started to realize exactly what was going on with this salvation thing! It
was as if the Holy Spirit had entered my inward house, going room to room
turning on the lights! I got it! I understood! It is God that convinces us
that we are sinful. It is God that saves us! It is God that leads us to
repentance and turns us inside out so that we are as grossed out by sin as
He is! He saves us and that is that! We don't and cannot do anything except
receive. Why is that so hard? Why do we think we have to be involved in the
process? He does it all so we can serve Him out of love and not fear. It is
like being chained to a prison wall, and He comes in (if you let Him) and
rips the chains off so you can be free to serve Him!
I was excited for next
two days, but I was also puzzled. When exactly did I get saved? I couldn't
deny God had been working in my life. He had healed my children and me, and
had rescued us from two house fires and a plane crash. But why hadn't I had
any assurance, and why did so many others who were saved have something I
didn't have? (a victorious life over sin and a boldness for Christ). I
didn't know how to witness, nor did I really want to. I was sorry for the
sins I committed, and I would "repent," but sooner or later, I would be
right back into it again, never really overcoming. Two days later, I was
back in brother Kenny's office. I shared with him my dilemma, and just like
brother Kenny, he pulled out his Bible and read Romans 2:4. '' the goodness
of God leadeth thee to repentance.' Another light went on. I had been saved
for about two days. Our God has gently "worked on me" for twenty years -
patiently and lovingly. I would have given up after the first week.
Now I had a new
problem--Baptism. I told my cousin they would have to do some fancy foot
work to convince me to be baptized into the church because it all seemed
like man's laws to me. The following day, I decided to attend the 7th‑and
8th‑grade Bible study at FCS for the first time. The topic that day happened
to be, "Why should we be baptized into a church?" I had never mentioned
baptism to Brother Kenny, and he was just going on a lesson plan, using his
usual tactic of teaching only by scripture, not through his interpretation.
The fancy foot work had me convinced before the bell rang. The next night
was Wednesday, which meant church service and an opportunity to be baptized.
Even though I still had a few old fears, I knew the Lord was communicating
His will to me. I put my fears to the side and decided to obey right away. I
could just tell in my heart that it was the Lord's will, and I wanted the
Lord to know that I was willing to obey and put my fears into His hands. I
have always been afraid of cults; and a comfortable distance from any church
had made me feel safe. But I knew this was the Lord! No man had convinced
me! Just the words of the Lord!
That night at Church, the Lord was working
again. The guest preacher told about Mary and how she had washed the Lord's
feet with her tears and hair. I love Mary because she reminds me of me.
Unworthy and a disgrace to all decency, but Jesus loved her! I had kept my
hair long and curly because I wanted the Lord to know that I would want to
do the same thing she did if I could only see Him physically. It was our
secret. It always made me a little sad to know that I would never see Jesus
in that way. Just to sit at His feet, as Mary and Martha had done, and know
for sure I was hearing God and not man. Wow! That night, the very last words
Pastor Disney said during the service invitation was, "Now it is time to
come and be at the Lord's feet and wash His feet with your tears." He said
something after that, but I don't remember what it was. I was already up
standing next to him before he could finish. I had to pat him on the
shoulder to let him know he could stop talking and come pray with me! It was
Pastor Disney talking, but it was Jesus' words, letting me know it was His
invitation for me to come and join His Church. That's all I need to know.
